In my last post I focused on the down side of being a phone sex operator. That wasn’t really my intention, but as usual, my rants seem to find some sort of focus. Never fails to amaze me. There is a lighter side to this job, it’s not all bad. If it was, I wouldn’t do it. For one thing, there is very little to no stress involved. Except when it comes to money, but that stresses everybody so that’s null n’ void here. Setting my own hours has been a huge plus for me. I have a life and I don’t like being at the the beck and call of a boss. Then again, who does? I also have kids and I like being home for them. So if they get sick or have a day off from school I’m not using up vacation days and making requests to some asshole who doesn’t care that I have a family. Wow! I gotta tell you, that last sentence is very empowering. I don’t have an asshole for a boss! I think I’m feeling a natural high right now. See I told you – no stress. While the money I make is not great, it is easy. It doesn’t take a genius to moan into the phone and tell a client how much you want to be banged by them. At the same time it is challenging, and definitely not boring. No two days are alike and no two clients are alike. I personally hated doing the same job every day with absolutely no change in my routine what-so-ever. Besides, getting that much needed kudos was nearly impossible. No, it was impossible, that was why I quit. I found more satisfaction in turning my clients on sexually. There is your ego to consider. While not all clients are respectful, or even decent, there are many who succumb to the charms of a sexually confident woman. More often than not, I find my clients are thanking me for my services or telling me how incredible their orgasms were. You can really hear the gratitude in their voices, and then you know it was a job well done. There is no end to the creativity involved with this job. From the more mundane issues of any job – trying to make more money – to using your imagination to create a fantasy. I once read an article that said the most common male fantasy was the “Naughty Nurse”. I’ve never once received a request for a nurse. Besides, where would the challenge be? I have to admit, that the most common request I get is to describe blow-jobs. This isn’t really surprising if you think about it. I’ve also learned that phone sex is not limited to the lonely male population either. I have gotten calls from lesbians, gay men, transsexuals, couples and men on three-way. There is nothing safer than phone sex to explore your most lurid fantasies without causing any undo damage to yourself or your relationship (assuming you have one). Couples who want to explore including a third person in their sex, but aren’t really comfortable making it a reality, can use a PSO to make their fantasy much more realistic and satisfying. And there is absolutely no judgement or messy emotional issues to deal with. Once they hang up, they are back in their cozy and safe world knowing that they can add a kinky spark when they choose to. Helping people explore their sexuality is also very satisfying. I am not a professional equipped to handle the psychological impact of a sexual identity crisis, and I make that very clear to my clients. But I am an open minded individual that won’t make a client feel guilty for exploring new avenues of their sexuality. The most profound thing I’ve learned so far is how limited my own views on sex was before I became a PSO. I no longer view porn as the enemy and I have a healthier outlook on my own sexuality. I used to feel so threatened and angry if my husband used porn as an outlet for his release. It took me a long time to learn that it only gives him a little variety and is not used to judge me against the perfect hard-bodies portrayed. This job has also brought us a lot closer. And rather than turn away disgusted when he would watch a porn, we now watch them together and find that sex has become more fun because of it. We also talk openly about things we never would have before, from infidelity to hidden fantasies. I never talked about my personal fantasies before, I thought it was wrong or would make him angry. Boy was I wrong! A lot of women seem to think that if a man is calling a phone sex line he must be unfaithful. Nothing could be further from the truth. In my last post I said that I have received offers from clients that get too attached. What I didn’t tell you was that every single one of those clients was not only unattached, but haven’t been able to find the partner they are desperately seeking. Half of my clients are single, but just as many have girlfriends or wives who are not available. Whether they are away on business, out for the night or simply sleeping, these men miss their partners. I can’t begin to count how many times these men have described their partners to me and said how much they love and adore them. But they’re horny and they can’t seem to get the satisfaction they crave. So what do they do, they call me to talk about their wives! More often than not I don’t have to say much. The client just starts talking about their partner and soon he’s got a great fantasy to make his night. There was another side to phone sex I never would have considered, I perform a civic duty. With the war in Iraq, I have been getting many soldiers either just returning home or getting ready to leave. They all have one thing in common, they want to get their mind off of it, even if it’s just for a few minutes. I don’t want to know what they’re thinking about or what they’ve seen and they don’t want to talk about it. CNN and numerous blogs answer any questions I might have in that regard. They, like every other client, are seeking an escape from reality into a fantasy world where stress is left behind and sexual pleasure is the only concern. It doesn’t hurt that I have a thing for men in uniforms either. I talk to many people from many walks of life all over the country and they all want one thing, sexual satisfaction. And I get to provide it on my own terms. If I’m not comfortable with a particular fantasy or don’t know how a client wants me to perform a particular fetish, I just tell them. That’s my right. I may not be able to hang up on them, and there have been times I’ve wanted to, but I can set limits. You want me to be the sexy babysitter? Can do. You want me to be sixteen? Sorry Pal, not happening! The power I get to exert is exhilarating and I’m only limited by my imagination. Maybe it’s not the perfect job, but I could do worse, and I have. Just like there are good days and there are bad; there is an upside and a down. I hope I’ve illustrated them well. Like I said, I’m not here to lure clients. I’m here to tell it like it is. You don’t like it – not my problem. Was that harsh? Maybe, but that’s the beauty of the blog.
You know, ever since I stared working the phone sex lines everyone who knows about my job is intrigued by the taboo nature of my work. There seems to be a mix of morbid fascination and sexual intrigue. I’ve noticed there are a lot of books about the subject and very few seem to cover what everyone wants to know. Who are the women on the other end of the line? This is a tough question to answer. It’s like asking ‘who is the average American?’ Really?!?! Is it Bob, the mechanic trying to pay child support for three kids? What about Maria, the Latin immigrant who wants to be a teacher? Or maybe it’s John, the middle manager trying to save up for both college and a dream vacation with his wife of fifteen years. You see; there is no such thing as the average American. And there is no such thing as the average phone sex operator. She could be a nineteen-year-old college student trying to earn some extra money. A thirty-something stay-at-home mom trying to make ends meet. Or he could be a twenty-something man trying to pay off debt. Yes, there are male phone sex operators. Or anything in between. I can only speak for myself, and I don’t mind telling you that finding another experienced phone sex operator to trade notes with is like trying to find that one needle, only in about a hundred hay stacks. The other problem is, no one really wants to hear about the nitty gritty of the industry. It’s sex, and sex sells. But everyone’s idea of sex is different. Except for the pure physiology of putting object A into slot B (and that’s open to interpretation) there is really a lot that goes into sex. And the intrigue is phenomenal. The mystery surrounding phone sex amuses me really. I mean, on the surface it’s very simple; a client calls to get off and the operator assists. The reality is, it’s a messy business. We’re humans, and as such we have emotions and emotions are messy. It really is an art form to perform for clients and not create some kind of emotional attachment. I have had clients that are so enamoured by my characters that they often ask to meet me. I have been offered marriage, money, plane tickets, jewelry, shopping sprees and just about anything else you can imagine. I’m not telling you this to toot my own horn, this is a reality. It sounds great, right? What woman doesn’t want to be offered these things? Every time I talk to a client that enjoys my services too much, I feel guilty. I shouldn’t, I mean they [should] know it’s a fantasy and they’re paying for that. I don’t mind telling you that if I was single I may have been tempted enough to take a few of those offers. And I have no doubt that there may have been phone sex operators who have. A lot of people think that being a phone sex operator is a lucrative job, it’s not. The pay sucks. The average PSO only sees about 5-7% of the profit made on a call that costs $3.99/minute. I once read an article that claimed the average PSO made $2000 per week! Ironically, there was no evidence offered to back up that claim. And by my calculations, a top performing PSO would have to take over 6500 minutes worth of talk time to make that kind of money, they would have to be talking almost 24 hours, a day seven days a week. Not very realistic, is it? However, if I could make that kind of money doing what I do, you can be damn sure I’d have found it by now and there would be a lot more phone sex operators. What a phone actress/actor gets paid for is just that, to act. You’re not getting the real deal. We are exposed to the underbelly of sexual desires, and it’s not pretty. It’s really hard to maintain a healthy outlook on sex while doing this job. As a woman, I found myself becoming jaded and angry at men in general. My husband bore the brunt of this. I came to believe that men are hedonistic animals with no regard for women; treating them more like chattel than humans beings. For a long time I was bitter and frigid to my husband thinking that when it comes to sex, all men are alike. Only treating women with some degree of respect to get in their pants. It felt like it took forever before I could realize that the act of sex itself is very animalistic, but that doesn’t mean it’s demeaning. Yes, there are men who are sexual predators, seeking women for one-night stands. On the flip side, there are just as many men, sometimes the very same predators, who want the companionship and trust of a meaningful relationship. The havoc this job has played on me psychologically is astounding. It’s not very surprising that the average PSO only lasts a few months. I started this blog to tell women, like me, who are considering this line of work what this job is really like. I am not here to romanticize the sex industry, there are more than enough web sites that do that. I’m not doing this to lure clients, hell, I don’t even know what number my clients call to talk to me! I have no idea what it’s like to be an exotic dancer, a porn-star or an escort, I’m a phone actress aka phone sex operator, and I write what I know. In this post I’ve highlighted the downside of this job. I know it appears to be a dark picture, but it’s real. I’ve decided to make this a two-parter. In my next post I’ll tell you about the upside, after all, there are two sides to every story, and this is no different.
One of the most daunting tasks of my job is trying to provide a fantasy for my clients. I usually get an idea of what they’re into depending on what Whisper Tag I get before a call is put through. Some of you may have heard of these, some companies provide them, some don’t. Although I have found that these tags can be very misleading. I once received a tag for Domination, when what the client really wanted was a Virgin. That was fun trying to scramble to accommodate! I was all set to describe a whipping/paddling session answering the call with my most sexy and demanding voice and the first question the client asked was, “So, are you still a virgin?” It was a good thing I didn’t say I was a Mistress! That happens sometimes, you lose a client because you got the wrong tag line, but for the most part the most common Whisper Tag is Female Fantasy. And this is a catch-all for everything. My most common approach is to feel the client out. Sometimes they want to get right to it asking if I’m a dirty little slut or something like that. In which case I spend most of the call screaming and moaning into the phone saying whatever the client demands. I often end those calls wishing I had an oxygen tank! Usually I have clients that don’t really know what they want. They’re horny, that’s the only given, or they wouldn’t have called in the first place. I have gotten more than a few clients claim they’ve never called a phone sex line before and leave everything up to you. This is where some serious acting comes into play. As I said before I feel a client out for what they’re in to. I ask what they are wearing, what they would do if I was there with them, what’s the most unusual place they would want to have sex. Once you warm up the conversation with sexy, but not over-the-top questions they give you a clue. Here’s another little trick I didn’t know about when I first started, I assumed most of my clients were “up and running” so to speak. I quickly learned that some of them like me to get their engine going. I accomplish this by telling the client what I look like, what I’m wearing, my favorite position or anything else they might ask me. Of coarse, I’m not being interviewed, so there’s a lot of flirting and giggling going on. It only takes a few minutes before things start to get good and heavy. And then you just have to decide what you’re the most comfortable with. Do you want to describe a blow-job? If that’s your niche make sure you know what you’re talking about! Do you want to ride him like a cowgirl, you should know that there is in fact a position known as the Cowgirl and how to do it. I once read an article about a very successful phone actress who went on to start her own phone sex company. When asked how she kept her clients, she referred to using everyday situations to build a fantasy on. I tried that approach a couple of times and fell flat on my face! Maybe you’ll have more luck than I did, in which case I want to know what you did! For the most part I think that sticking with what you know is the best way to keep a client. I use real situations I have been through to describe fantasies and so far, have had the best result with those. My other source of inspiration? The porn industry is suddenly mybest friend. I have a collection of magazines and movies that makes even my husband jealous. Most recently I’ve been using the world wide web for inspiration. I use it mostly for fetishes that I’m not familiar with such as domination or TVTS clients. Since I’m not really a “chick with a dick” this has been the most helpful. Once you get the client involved in a fantasy you find yourself in a groove and then it’s a piece of cake from there.
WARNING: Some of the content in this post may not be suitable for those with weak stomachs.
After doing this for six months I thought I had heard it all. I should know better. I’ve received some unusual requests but these two take the cake. A few nights ago I had a client that seemed really nice, but I was in for a shock when he told me about his fetish. Apparently his girlfriend likes to put safety pins through his member. For those of you that ignored my warning… I told you so! I’ll spare you the details, needless to say I spent most of that call trying to sound sexy while fighting my gag reflex. On the flip side, the most amusing request I’ve gotten was the client who asked me to sing the Star Spangled Banner. Okay, there comes a point where you just can’t keep a straight face, and this was it. I’ve giggle coyly for clients and flirted, but this really tested my limits. Needless to say I made it half way through before the client was satisfied and hung up. Once I heard the tone telling me he had disconnected I couldn’t stop laughing. I literally had tears rolling down my cheeks. Every night it’s something new. One thing I can say about this job; it never gets boring. This is going to be a short post because… well, how do you follow something like that?!?!
As long as I choose to be a PSO I will never be able to shake the stigma that is attached. I have decided not to tell any of my friends or family what I do, more for their benefit than mine. This has been a little difficult as I recently left my day job and now work the lines exclusively. Which begs the question: why the secrecy? Well, unless you either work in the adult entertainment industry or you appreciate its myriad of forms there is stigma against it that hangs over our society. It has been a long held belief that sex is bad. We were taught this as children and young adults. We were taught to fear our own sexuality and therefore shun our bodies. Yet we can’t escape our urges, just look at the main stream magazines that tout ways to improve the body, dress better, make the most of makeup tips. All of these things have one aim – to attract a mate. But it is the stripper I think that takes the brunt of the negative stigma that surrounds the adult industry. And I’ve gotta say, I think that is totally unfair. Several of my close friends are or have been strippers and they are the nicest most down to earth girls you could imagine. But I’m getting off topic. I’ve noticed several web sites where women (usually moms) are trying to find a way to make money from home and more than a few are questioning the validity of being a phone sex operator. Without fail these women who are looking for a legal and decent way to be available for their families while making ends meet are put down and demonized. I’m not going to get into a pissing match here about religion, because that’s not usually the catalyst behind the insults. It’s the slut factor associated with the adult industry that usually prompts the catty responses. If you’ve read my first blog or checked out my profile, you know that I’m a mother myself. While I try to be the best mom I can, I also have to face the reality that likes to bite me in the ass every month – I have to pay my bills. I don’t expose my kids to my job, they have no idea what I do at night after they are snug in their beds. And I’m here when they need me. So does that make me a bad mom? Some might say yes, but then I would have to ask why? I’m not scared of my sexuality and while I may engage in verbal fantasies where I do in fact claim to be a slut, that doesn’t actually make me one. I provide a service for my clients. I banish loneliness and inflate egos. I have talked to clients that crave anonymity while they explore their fetishes and new found sexual needs and wants. I provide something a stripper, porn star or nude model can’t. An intimate human connection without attachment. This sounds all nice and warm and fuzzy now, but don’t get me wrong, many of my clients have put me down for what I do. The irony of coarse is that they are paying me to do it. And I have had just as many clients truly appreciate my services complimenting me on my performance. There is nothing more satisfying than to have a client tell me how incredibly sexy my voice is and thank me profusely for entertaining their fantasies. So if there are so many good things about the adult industry, why the slut factor? I think it has more to do with the women who are not included and feel threatened. Women should be appreciated for what they truly are; the creator of life. And all too often they are not. Instead men in our society seek only the most ideal forms of femininity as put forth by glaring advertisements and Hollywood. It’s not their fault, it’s what they have seen all their lives and respond to. So is it any wonder that more than a few women feel threatened by the adult industry and pass the same bigotry to their daughters perpetuating a negative cycle and fear of sexuality? I should know, I was one of them. I thought that watching porn made you ‘dirty’ and wanting to enjoy sex was bad. But like most women I entered my twenties with raging hormones and a zest for life. Soon my inhibitions fell away and I reveled in the bloom of my youth and the power I had over the opposite sex. A heady mix that easily matches the intoxication of alcohol. However, unlike most women I did not settle into marriage and decide to put my sexuality in the closet after having children. Oh, I did for a while, but when I became a PSO the layers I hid under soon started to peel away to show me that I could be a good wife and mother and still be a sexual being. I can truly say that I enjoy who I am and am grateful to be able explore being a woman in all it’s forms both in my work and my personal life. And I have no regrets for the choices I have made. As far as the slut factor goes, as with most things ignorance breeds prejudice. It’s a shame that women should be made to feel they are less for their sexuality. We have struggled long and hard for equality and there rarely seems to be a balance that both sides can agree on. A feminist is viewed as a cold bitch or you’ve got the Betty Crockers. What’s wrong with being both? Men have for decades ruled in board rooms and in the bedroom. Why can’t we? We are all sexual beings, without it there wouldn’t be a human race. Of coarse there are women who match both descriptions, but there are more that fall somewhere in the middle; myself included. I don’t think a woman should be put down for her choice of work. Nor do I think a woman should feel guilty about choosing between staying home to raise her children or leave them to work. My job allows me to do both. It’s not a career, far from it, but I get the best of both worlds. I stopped trying to portray the most perfect picture I could of what a wife and mother should be. First of all it gave me nothing but migraines to try and second, it’s a myth. Leave perfection to give someone else a headache, I prefer to concentrate on what’s best for my family and what makes me happy. If that makes me a slut, well then slap a scarlet letter on me and I’ll be proud to wear it!
Occasionally a client will call that makes a work night memorable. Sometimes, the topic is beyond description and you count the seconds until the call ends. Other times a client is both imaginative and seductive in ways that you could only dream of. In one night I had both scenarios laid before me not once, not twice, but three times! On this particular night I had created a new character and I was anxious to see how “she” would do. My very first client had a very particular fantasy and he wanted a very “involved” participant. After doing this for a few months I learned how to accommodate these realistic fantasies for my clients (including sound, time delays and props). He had a fetish with nipple clamps and cock rings. If you’re not familiar with these two items, I highly suggest you check it out for yourself. You know what they say, ‘a picture is worth a thousand words’. Sometimes a client will introduce a new toy/experience/fantasy that I may have written off as too out there for my tastes. And if the call goes well, they may even convince me that the fetish in question really isn’t as out there as I originally thought. This was one such call. After describing for me his fantasy and talking me through my role we engaged in the full sensation and sexual talk expected for a call like this. I was surprised to find myself turned on by this client! I didn’t get off on the call, but it was very arousing. However, in the world of phone sex, there is a certain amount of time for a call before it gets timed out. This simply ensures that if a client falls asleep (and it does happen, but that’s for another time) the client won’t be charged for the entire night and the PSO isn’t stuck on the line listening to some client snoring for hours on end. This particular client called back three times to complete his fantasy! It’s not often that I get absorbed into a client’s fantasy, but this one really got me and it was truly a memorable experience. I was only sorry to see it end. To get a client that is both intelligent and has a great voice is a combination anyPSO loves. I really enjoyed this one. I don’t think I’ll be using cock rings and nipple clamps in my bedroom anytime soon, but this client definitely removed the freak out factor for me on these two toys. And he taught me how I can engage these toys in future calls, a real plus.
On the flip side, sometimes you get the calls that you wish you didn’t. The very same night I received a client I had dealt with in the past. I haven’t had a single pleasant experience with this particular client. He prefers the shock factor. If it’s illegal, he’ll talk about it. I’ve gotten used to what I call the shock cocks, clients that get off on making you squirm with discomfort. Unfortunately for me I can’t just tell them their sick f!#*s and mute the call. I’ve had to endure more than my share of shock cocks and each time it never fails to amaze me how gross they can get. I don’t think they actually think about what they’re saying, or at least I hope not. The idea of them actually fantasising about these things is enough to make my skin crawl. I’ll spare you the details, but I’m sure you can imagine. And whatever you can imagine, I’ve heard it. If you are considering entering this line of work, be warned. It can and does get really ugly! It takes a tough skin to listen to some of these clients. And a lot of fortitude to just let it go and move on to the next client. There have been times that a client has so freaked me out I actually need to hang up for a while to regain my composure and keep from throwing up. If I get a series of calls like that in one night, I will log off for the night and not take anymore calls. That’s the beauty of this job. There is no boss breathing down your neck to talk to some of these creeps. You may have to deal with a call or two of shock cocks, but for the most part, you call the shots. It’s kinda nice having that control over your own job, and you’re a little more apt to deal with the bad calls a little better. However, this client wasn’t satisfied with one call, nope! He called twice! Just talking to this guy once was enough to creep me out, but when he called the second time I really just wanted to scream. Hearing his spastic voice demand me to answer his questions (often referring to his mother) and hearing his excited breath in my ear soon became too much for me to handle. I believe I’ve said this before, but it deserves repeating. For those PSO’s that work the “no taboo” lines, you have my complete admiration. I couldn’t do it. I know I’ve said you have to develop a tough skin to take these calls, and you do. But to have to take illegal calls… That’s completely beyond me. Eventually this client did hang up, and I wasted no time disconnecting from the service. I’d had enough for one night.
On the bright side I keep hoping I’ll get a repeat performance from my first client, he was fun!